Turning 5!

Happy Birthday Jaden!

 5 years ago? Already?

April 30, 2007 4:43pm 6lbs 8oz

I became a mommy because of this sweet boy of mine. He struggled at first by choking himself through the birth canal and then spent a week in the NICU. You'd never know it now. He makes me laugh daily and is so incredibly smart. I cannot imagine where my life would be if it weren't for him.

This giggle and smile is simply contagious. I love him. :)



Locked & Loaded!

As of yesterday, baby is locked and loaded.....I'm close to 3cm (he said more than 2.5cm but just under 3cm) and 70% effaced. Baby has also dropped to -1 station--I didn't realize how low he is until I found this picture. Yikes. If he scoots any lower .....he needs to just wait 5 more weeks!

 Hold on little baby!

It was an eventful appointment complete with an NST. And my rules are super strict now.

-I cannot use stairs. (Jaden's room is downstairs... maybe he can tuck me in bed instead?)
-No cleaning (Bleh! My house is looking like a crime scene!)
-No cooking unless less than 10mins (Who can cook something decent under 10mins?!)
-Minimum car rides (no more days/hours riding along with Jason while he works weekends)
-I cannot drive. (Kindof happy about this one. Utard drivers would put me into labor!)
-No spicy food and nothing with ginger-it can cause uterine irritability.
-If I get myself something to eat, I can stand for less than 10minutes.
-I can sit with my legs up or lay down.  My tailbone HURTS. Ouchies.

Short version- I can stand long enough to walk to the bathroom for a shower or to pee. Otherwise stay down for the next 5 weeks.

Anytime I stand up for any reason, Jaden says "Mommy, you're supposed to be on leg rest with your legs up!" LOL

The Dr did a test called a fetal-fibronectin (sp?). I tested negative which means I'm 90-something % likely to NOT go into labor within the next 2 weeks. Which is reassuring!


Someone asked me why bed rest is so hard. Well you see, I hate watching/vegging in front of the TV and movies. I feel like it wastes hours and time that I could be doing something better. I haven't watched much TV for almost 3 years.

What IS enough?

So much attention has surrounded the new baby on the way. Jaden has had awful naughty moments acting out. It's frustrating. With his 5th birthday around the corner, I want to show him some extra attention and make him feel special on his birthday. 5. Where have these 5 years gone? I remember a specific moment when I got Jaden home from the hospital. I sat rocking him and adoring my new little baby...."They say they grow so fast.... I have forever before he's 5 and going to kindergarten. What do they know?..."....and then I blinked.... Time flies.

Jaden's 5th birthday party is today! He told me all he wanted for his birthday was friends, cupcakes, and a bouncy house. I can manage that! So I thought. While  trying to make a desperate attempt while on bedrest has been really tricky. I set up a facebook event last week. Jason did the party shopping, birthday shopping, and extra little things shopping. I realize late last night, the facebook invites didn't send to anyone for whatever stupid reason, the weather is crappy, cute little invites were not made or delivered ....Fail.

My kitchen is a mess. My house is falling apart and dirty. I can't scrub the bathrooms or floors. Laundry is piling up. I can't really cook meals. My crockpot needs scrubbed because I ran out of liners. There's not a damn thing I can do about it. My "family" lives over an hour away so I can't beg them to come help me. Jason's family...well, don't get me started. I'm also not the type to ask for help either. It's Jason's finals week and also has his huge FAA Commercial Pilot exam. I'm sleep deprived. My tailbone, back, and hips feel so bruised and there's no relief- sitting hurts, laying hurts, walking hurts, heartburn is so bad I throw up if I lay down too soon. Ugh. I've cried almost daily this week. 
My stress and anxiety is sky high. {sigh}

Stinky Feet & Stinky Shoes

I finally asked Jason how it's even possible that he never has stinky feet or shoes. Even when he's sweaty or working out, his feet and shoes never stink. NEVER. After telling me his secret, he told me he's used this on Jaden's shoes too. Magical! I haven't smelled stinky boy feet in quite some time....

Here's his secret:

{Every mother of boys, husband, boyfriend, etc should have this!}

1) sprinkle baking soda in the bottom of stinky shoes & shake, spreading the baking soda

2) In a pray bottle with rubbing alcohol, spray the rubbing alcohol in the bottom of the shoe, soaking it.

*Must be done in said order otherwise the soda clumps up and doesn't spread easily.*

3) Let Dry. Repeat once (or more if the stinky shoes need more attention) and shoes shouldn't have any odor for quite some time. Jason said he does this treatment twice and it's good for about a year or more.

{ahhhhhhhhhhhhh} peace to the nostrils.

Smile.

Normally, I murder flowers. I only have to look at them and they will die. Guaranteed. Normally.

I'm really excited that 3 weeks later......these babies are still alive! And I think they look pretty. :)
They make me smile. I sat on my porch today and watched my baby play with his friends.... and I watched my flowers in the sunshine. I smiled. I need more days like today. Flowers always make me think of my Grandma. I love her. And I planted strawberries a month ago- they're growing. Smile.

That Awkward Moment....

...when you follow up with the "on-call" doctor because your regular doctor is unavailable.....

You prepare for an exam, change from the waist down, and drape the sheet to cover your va-jay-jay and thighs. Then you partially tuck it behind your butt to minimize the slight breeze you feel from the air vent. While you sit there and patiently wait, your butt becomes really sweaty while sticking to the paper on the patient table.

"Do you mind if the doctor has a couple medical students with him?" asks the nice British nurse. "Ummm, ok..." .................in come walking 5 students. Yes. FIVE. "I'm sorry. Actually, I do mind and I'm not comfortable." They leave. Whew! My vag is not a freak show or a peep show for any kind of medical student circus!

The doctor comes into the room and instructs you to move down toward the end of the table. "Ugh he has to be the one to examine me?" He's like OLD-MAN status. Not kidding. You re-adjust your body while taking the sweaty paper with you-which the dr removes....

Exam begins. "Do you know what happened on April 30th 19-FOURTY-something?" "No I sure don't." breathe..... breathe....ouch....breathe.... "Hitler committed suicide." "oh....okay?".... Then doctor went on and on and on about Hitler and also his girlfriend back in the 1940's. His girlfriend from back then was born the same day Hitler killed himself. It was a worthy sacrifice in this doctor's opinion. Yes that's right. This doctor is older 70's and he made sure that I knew that. YIKES. I sat up and made eye contact. He had an eye twitch so it looked like he was winking at me. AWKWARD!!!

I will never see that old ding-bat-on-call doctor ever ever ever again. Not ever.

Looking Back

The hardest decisions are often the best ones to make.

Today I reflected back a few years when I noticed the date. 18th. April 18th, 2010 I left my now ex-husband. It was the hardest decision and also the best decision I had ever made. It was the most important decision I had to make up to that point. Looking back, not a single fiber of my soul regrets that decision.

I appreciate even the little things my love does for me. Being a single mommy, I never got a break. I worked 40+ hours while little man was in daycare. I'd be off work just in time to make dinner and start the bedtime routine and repeat it all over again. In addition, doing all the laundry, cleaning, cooking, lunch packing, grocery shopping, etc-- it was hard. I hated it! On the rare occasion, ex husband decided to actually pick his son up... then I had time for me.

Through the challenges of being a single mommy, I learned to depend on only myself. I learned and developed patience. I learned dating is SO important in discovering the qualities I want in someone to share my life with. My bonus mom would tell me almost daily "I know it's hard right now, but in a year from today, your life will be a thousand times happier than this very moment and you will smile more." And for the record, she was right! I am so blessed to have her encouraging me through some of the hardest times.

With a full schedule, I did somehow manage to squeeze in a date or two. I also tried online dating. That's how Jason and I met. I'll admit it. I met some FREAKS but met some cool people too. I also used my best judgement during messages and conversations. I actually had talked to Jason for 2-3 weeks before I agreed to have lunch with him. :) Now, we have been together a whole year. Wow, I'm really rambling now. My benadryl has got to be kicking in now. lol

I will say it again, the hardest decisions are often the best ones. Let go. Grow. Life your life. Dream big! I promise you, in a year from this very moment, you will smile more and you'll be happier.

7 Months Pregnant & Vegas

This trip to Vegas for a leadership business convention (for Jason's business) was everything memorable, eventful, and uncomfortable.

The night before we left for Vegas, I received my second dose of a steroid shot for little baby's lungs. About two hours later, I noticed my left leg was puffy, red, and really warm. I blew it off as a random pregnancy thing. Friday morning as we were traveling, my left arm was extremely hot and swollen. So weird, right? AH-HA! The steroid shot was given to me also on my left side. I was having a reaction to the steroid shot! Benadryl to the rescue!

We stopped in every other city for potty stops from Saratoga Springs, Utah to Las Vegas, Nevada!

The convention was wonderful. It was focused on leadership and growing your business to fulfill your goals and dreams. Dream BIG. If you had an opportunity to be financially free, have unlimited time with your family, surround yourself with successful people, and make tons of money doing it, would you? The answer is probably yes, right? You know what else? It's moral, ethical, and realistic. So I am believing in Jason and supporting him. You know what's great? He has grown so much as a person and I am proud of him. What is my job? To support him and believe in him.

By Saturday morning, I was still really swollen and contracting. The verdict (Jason, Risa, Ryan & Nicole) voted that I was to be grounded to the room in the uncomfortable bed OR a wheelchair. I picked the wheelchair. I felt so restricted and awkward. I hated that people were staring at me. My rockstar friend Lisa pointed out to me that it was a choice I consciously made. Isn't she right? I love her. It was a great choice because the alternative would be dangerous for many reasons. A very nice lady even gave me a big bag of ice because my feet had outgrown my slippers and even my flip flops. I would cheat and wobble with my sausage toes to the bathroom which was a mere 20ft away from where we were seated with the cool kids. Everytime I turned around, someone would ask me how much longer I have, how far along I am, how miserable I'm feeling, etc. {sigh} I'm trying to think positive people but thank you for asking.

It was really hard for me to let Jason be Superman wheeling me around everywhere. He was a trooper! He was the first to ask if I needed to go the bathroom or eat and made every effort possible to keep me as comfortable as he could. He kept me loaded on ice for my sausage toes and hairless hobbit feet. Being a single mom, I learned to not depend on anyone but myself. Right now, I have to let him help me. It's hard. I'll write more about it another time. He's incredible. He kept me smiling and kept encouraging me. His business partners were even so supportive and encouraging. They were impressed that I even made it!

Ready for some funny moments?

**An older lady was seated next to us started bawling her eyes out for whatever reason... her husband had the nerve to even ask us why she was upset. She was rocking her body and flailing everywhere! Ummm....awkward!

**I stood up to wobble my way to the restroom, and during the most silent moment possible, crazy lady from above shouts "Are you in labor?!! I'm really concerned!" "No mam, just a full bladder."....

**I dumped my 44oz Pepsi everywhere during the closing session! I couldn't move or bend over to reach the mess for obvious reasons. After containing the Pepsi explosion with Jason's help (again), my giant ice bag sprunk a leak... err, I mean a gush and it SOAKED my pants! It looked like I peed myself or better yet, my water gushed. LOL Excuse the pun! :) It gets better..... my inner legs from my crotch to my kankles were dyed black from my wet pants! HAHA! Jason told me it's always a bad idea to wet my pants to warm my bum..... LMAO!

And with all that chaos, we will never repeat this wild adventure in a pregnant state! LOL!

I am really happy to be home and comfortable in my own home--baby is still baking in my oven. :)

Preggo-Time-Out

It started like this...... pressure in the air, stormy weather, and then came the down-pour of rain. I love rain so much. It speaks to my soul....

Then started some serious contractions..... OWWWWW!!!!! I rubbed myself down with some lavender oil. I drank gobs of water. I got off my feet but I couldn't sit still very long.... I couldn't walk it out... or talk through any of the contractions. Hmmm... probably not just braxtin hicks. Eeewww.

9 mins apart.....

Then I felt so much pressure on my cervix and in my back. Yikes.

7 mins apart....

Off to labor & delivery. Being 28 weeks, I needed help to stop these awful contractions. I have never met a L&D staff that was so nice. Every single one of them. They gave me meds to stop them but it didn't help. So they gave me shots of something... and then a steroid shot for baby's lungs. And more contraction medicine..... finally they slowed down. About 2am they sent me home with oral medicine to continue every six hours for the next month or more.

This worries me. I don't want a preemie baby again. I'd much rather a healthy baby that can fit through my little vagina! This time, I'm trusting my gut instinct and getting a hospital bag ready early. Oh and we are going to Vegas for a business convention. And I'm on "restricted duty"....which is pretty much bedrest. The doctor told me I can still go to Vegas as long as I keep walking to a minimum. Good thing we are staying in the same place as the convention! Dr was super nice and printed me a copy of my chart just in case. Then anyone can take care of me in the event that I need care. My doctor is pretty awesome.

In the mean time....keeping my legs crossed.....

"NO!" It's liberating.

NO!

Say it with me. Nooooo. No. No thank you. Not today. Doesn't that feel good?

My whole childhood, I was raised to be a 'people pleaser' because of fear. Fear of what people would think, their hurt feelings, or whatever. Later as a teenager/young adult it because so hard for me to say no. Sometimes saying no caused me so much anxiety and unnecessary worry. I went through a time where I went to therapy to help me deal with some things- aka psycho mother. Therapy was good for me. Don't judge me. I learned how to say no. For a long time, I was afraid to but then I practiced. And now, I have no problem. It feels so liberating to say no.

"That doesn't work for me."

"I will pass this time, thank you for thinking of me/us."

"I have plans already." (Even if my plans are sitting in my pajamas!)

This week, I've been awesome at saying no. I'm finding it's really quite fun.

 Lover's mom asked me if she could be in the delivery room.

"Actually we will call you when I'm in labor but we are asking that no one come to the hospital until after we have spent time with our new baby."

Extended family asked me to take some family/group pictures for them.

"I don't do photos professionally anymore, but I will email you some great referrals."

Someone who I'm pissed at is in town this weekend. I don't care to see her. Plus, I don't want to be 'fake nice'. She wanted to get together.

"I'm busy with my family this weekend and helping J with work. I will be exhausted when I get home and ready for bed. I hope you have an enjoyable weekend. IF I get a free moment, I'll let you know."

A sweet friend & I wanted to get some dessert after my Dr's appointment. I let her know I was still in town. Politely, she said "let's plan on another day. I just don't feel well."

It is okay to say no and to be told no. It's not the end of the world. I wish people were more okay with being told no. Isn't it okay that I don't want to see you if I don't feel up to it? I'm going to challenge you to say no. And don't feel the pressure and worry. Don't let your mind wander with uncertainty. They will survive! Put yourself first. It's liberating. The people who really matter, won't mind. ;)