Distance Makes the Heart Wiser

I have a friend. She moved. I moved. And sometimes life changes. You aren't as close to people as you used to be. You give new friends a chance and you learn that sometimes new friends are pretty bad ass. After removing myself (not on purpose) from situations, I learned that for such a long time, I have been manipulated, played, used, etc by someone who was very close to me. The upmost compassion I showed toward someone and whom I thought was a great friend, well I was the fool it turns out. And through out a circle of events I have learned that our friendship was only a game to her.

"Best Friends are very special people in your life. They are the first people you think about when you make plans. They are the first people you go to when you need someone to talk to. You will phone them up just to talk about nothing, or the most important things in your life. When you’re sad they will try their hardest to cheer you up. They give the best hugs in the world! They are the shoulder to cry on, because you know that they truly care about you. In most cases they would take a bullet for you, coz it would be too painful to watch you get hurt."- Urban Dictionary

After waking up to a dose of reality, this person whom I once called my best friend is quite the opposite. I feel like I'm mourning such a loss. I feel as though my heart has sank a thousand notches this week. So what happened? Well a lot of things. After taking some time to myself and think through situations I have learned that she robbed and took advantage of every ounce of compassion. Few weeks ago, she wanted me (and my pregnant ass) to come visit. I told her I cannot make this trip happen for a few reasons. 1) Because of my first pregnancy, road trips have to be approved by my doctor. 2) There's not a hospital on the way just in case something were to go wrong. 3) 4-5 hour drive would quickly turn into several hours with how many potty stops I'd have to make 4) I refuse to manipulate my lover to driving me 5+ hours and then picking me up the following day... etc etc. I sadly told her I cannot make this trip happen. Life really changes circumstances sometimes but I have to put myself, my health, and my baby as my priority. She was pissed and I received some very hurtful and manipulating messages. I decided taking some time would be a good idea. A week goes by and I received a message "I wish we were the friends we used to be." Is she just now realizing this? I was missing this void 9+months ago! Another week goes by.... another message received on my phone randomly analyzing life (there was no hi, how are you)... and then followed by an order. Yes, this message read "I want you to and you will do so." Excuse me? I'm not anyone's bitch. I'm not in the cast of mean girls and I will not be ordered around. I'm mourning a loss.... mourning a friend... feeling sad and alone... and pregnant. I don't like feeling like an option. I have less patience for bullshit. Little things pile up quicker. But it's taught me that I deserve better. I know I do.

So today, I have realized that when you remove yourself from situations and from certain people, you find out where you stand. Sometimes, it's a very sad reality. Sometimes it's a bitch slap. Overall, it's a reminder of who really matters. If you want to fly, you have to let go of the shit.